I thought I'd take today, being home sick from work, to actually update by thoughts on this blog,

I've been teaching a lot lately, for it is teacher training time.  I always question my teaching, my study, my own practice when this time of year comes around.  And I think that is good.  For if I were always satisfied with my practice, I think that is when ego kicks in.  I'm not talking about that deep inner peace I hope someday to find, that's different than satisfaction.  Deep abiding peace is NOT ego driven, but when the witness is allowed to just watch it all unfold without hysteria!

Anyway, the words "enough" and "should" are coming up a lot in this questioning.  Do I meditate enough?  I should be practicing right now instead of writing on my blog.  Do I read enough?  Am I "spiritual" enough.  Is the way I teach yoga effective?  Should I really be teaching at all? There are moments of clarity, there are moments of despair, there are moments when I want to forget about all of it and watch trashy television and eat bad food and be enveloped in the worldliness.  But, as one of my teachers used to say, "You have stepped into the fire now, and until your work is finished, you'll be hot for a very long time."  So, my work continues.  It may be hard at times, but it is my dharma to do this work.  To open the door to more inquiry until inquiry stops and the Truth is known.

I don't consider myself super spiritual or high and mighty.  I am simply human.  A seeker, like so many others.  Someone who loves to share what I have learned through my own experiences and reading and exploration.  And I know we all have different path, different ways of experiencing spirit and love and light.  All I hope is that I can bring something good to this world-to my students, to the people I interact with.  I hope I can shine just a little light on the darkness of the path ahead for those that choose to come to my classes or mentor with me.  But that is all.  As another of my teachers says, "All I know is that I don't know, and for that knowledge I thank my gurus."

Guru Bramha Guru Vishnu Guru Devo Mahesvara
Guru Sakshat, Param Bramha, Tas Mai Sri guruvey Namaha

Om Shanti.  Amen. 

My teachers, both living and dead, are continuingly reminding me of my purpose, whether though subtle hints, or outright saying it to my face.  Every time I want to run away to an ashram, or give up teaching, they are there to remind me this is what I am supposed to be doing. And the physical therapy of my broken limbs these past few years has led me to the offshoot of that, which is going back to school for Physical Therapy. I never really thought of it as a purpose, but it continues to unfold in the way that makes sense, even if not until later! I thank them everyday for their reminders, because without the grace of my teachers, I would be running from country to country trying to "find myself" when really, it all right here for me to see.

Thank you gurus!